Since its been Long, ive been keeping all those feelings inside me for the past few months.. Before ending 2011. i wanna take it out.. and start fresh i guess!!! soo to those who are interested .. stay tuned!! to those who are not.. :) ur mostly welcome to press (X) :) Im gona warn u that its really boring!! and will be even bored if u dun understand wat exactly the feelings is like :) soo dun tell me i din warn ya!! :) Well Well well.. before we get to the boring part... Lemme ask all of u one question... Anyone have fell in love before??? In all , how many have broken a heart?? or got broken?? well i guess many of u have experienced it... But seriously.. how many of u really felt like GIVING UP..?? well.. i did... I eventually gave up to the one and only thing called LOVE....Is not that love is wrong... bcos all of us know that LOVE is the one and only thing on earth that is the sweetest when its true.. but bitter when its fake!!
MY MINI SO CALLED DIARY
This time I wanna talk about a broken heart. Everybody’s hearts are not to be broken but it broke anyways. And when it broke, shattered into pieces, in some time, somebody will put it back into the right place, glued it, or even nail it, or sew it, whatever it is.......
If you've ever been depressed, then maybe you know where I'm coming from. It’s like one minute you’re fine, and the next minute something happens that makes you think -- i mean really think -- and then you’re totally empty u blank out.. The only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally L O S T,
Its like you don't mean anything to anyone anymore.. ( yea i sound like im EMO, but seriously that is exactly what i feel ) . All you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don't want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing seems to come out right. Everything seems to be so wrong... You wanna share the feelings but at the same very time u know they wont get wat u mean... cos they are not in ur shoe and they dont have a broken heart like you.... someday you just feel like uou don't want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. You think that all your friends hate you and only talk to you because they feel bad for you. You know complete strangers judge you just because of how you look and how you act, and when you think about how you’re not as lucky as the crowd that surrounds you, it makes you feel even worse. And of the two people that are supposed to love you the most in the world, one left you, and the other has to scream at you sometimes because they get angry and upset too. You feel like you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you know somewhere deep down that you'll probably never find him. That ONE and only probably doesn’t even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time you fear it so much.
You know how it is like to be left alone.. in a total darkness.you know how it feels like to to let your friends down and always be selfish, isolated, self conscious, bitter, whiny, and obsessive just because u have a problem of your own... You listen to what everyone else has to say, but you never tell them how YOU REALLY feel, because that would mean revealing part of yourself, and you just can't do that, (is not that im soo secretive , but somethings are just not meant to be shared) ..... you can't let anyone really know you. And your opinion wouldn't matter to them anyway, and most of all if you took the time to sit down and try to get all your feelings out for the first time in your life, it would be completely overwhelming and if anyone ever listened to all of that, they would have to agree with you on what you feel. but u also know that u cant reveal ur life like a Diary... so u continue built this feeling inside deeper and deeper that it kills u softly... Life is not always happy, everyone knows that.. but we are read stories since we are baby, about how fairy tales have happy endings.. and why are they putting so much hopes on us since we were young.. we tend to listen to their story day after day before sleeping... and dreaming about how happy ending wud even put a smile in our lifes.. and when we grow old. they keep telling us that like is not a fairy tales.. then why do u keep on reading em if its not real..
Try reading a true story book to kids so they wont end up expecting too much when they grew older.. Whining sometimes do help u think more clearly on what ur whining about.. what exactly that your heart wants?? what issit that u think u dont have in life and want it.. what do u really looking forward too.. so yeah.. im not whining here to create attention.. or need your pity... but what is the real reason is.. for me to take out all. and start a new year with a new feelings... Taking out feelings sometimes are good.. but sometimes are bad.. depends on what u really write!!.. for now people know im depressed.. but no one really know wats the exact reason behind it.. So whine all u want.. but keep a limit to ur story!! not every Blog is like a Fairy tale story! that u have a prince n princess.. and the happily ever after....
well for those who are in Love.. take care of ur love ones.. if u ever feel they are the one... then cling to them like a child clinging to their mother.. if he for once did something that causes u a doubt.. than no point of u thinking if u shud or shud not... :) I may have gave up on what i call (LOVE)... but i still have faith in it... i still believe the right guy will come at the right time..and everything about LOVE will be OH-SO-RIGHT at that moment.. :) and im still waiting! :)
2012.. Bring me something i call happiness please.. cos i think its time for me to get back on my feet..and start smiling... quit whining and start appreciating on life around me.. at least the one and only reason im still smiling is that im still alive.. to at least see others around me getting married and LOVE do exist in this world.. Even if its not for me.. for others would at least make me still believing in the existence of LOVE....
~~~Sometimes bad things happen for no reason, no purpose. They just occur and we're left to pick up the pieces the best we can. -- Felicity~~~~~~
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